This is usually how the questions end almost every other time.
I like to live with questions. I make up questions. My questions about me, to myself. The questions I search and answer, to myself. Sometimes it's confusing, sometimes it makes no sense, sometimes it's right in front of you.
Now as always, I try to wrap my head around one word. It could also be 'questions', you know, because we know the things we know because of the questions we have. We ask questions to get to know other people. And sometimes those people end up being our friends or better-halves. And life goes on with questions like "Shall we be friends?" or "Will you marry me?" and of sorts. Most times, some of us have only ourselves to question and it entertains us to dig out the answer.
An example-As always, let me quote instances here. This happened yesterday morning- "That queue sir." said the security lady in the entrance of the mall pointing to the men's queue. I reply in 2 words so she understands, "Ladies only." She smiles shyly at the mistake she realised late and lets me in. And then the questions begin-
Why did she do that? That's simple; She thought I was a guy because at first glance I do come across as a guy. Short hair, no ornaments, handbags or accessories and a dark solid-coloured tee, that's what I look like. And these quite easily mirror the looks of a common man (more than that of a woman) in our society. And once I was in terms with this thought, I checked this question out and asked the next question-
Why am I like this? Well this is simple too. Because I chose to be like this. I have short hair because I do not need long hair, it's more comfortable this way. And I definitely do not need long hair to prove my woman-ness. I wear the clothes I wear because I find them comfortable and enough. I have a waist pouch because it's simpler and makes life much easier for me.
Now do I have to change? No. Does that woman need to change? No. What do we do then? Nothing, just get used to it. And that's exactly what I decided to do. To get used to it and let people know that I am a woman, if need be.
People have asked me how to convince the brain ever since this article and this is the closest I can get to explaining how I do it. How you convince your brain, on what matter, depends totally on you.
More than those quotes and the sayings that we read on social media, these inward questions seem to do a lot of good to me. Now once I feel the peace accomplished by this, it becomes more of a habit to be questioning myself and achieving these kind of conclusions. It all seems more clearer and feels more lighter.
Some questions in life are difficult answering, and even when you find the answer they are difficult to come to terms to.
I'm sure my parents keep asking themselves a few questions that are difficult to answer. A few might include, "Why is my daughter like this?" and "What do I do, to find her a partner?" and "What do I answer people who ask about her marriage?" Answering to which, got out of hand earlier and still gets difficult day by day. I don't think they still have come terms to the fact that they cannot find me a partner.
My stupid requirements only made it complicated. And now I have simplified it even more for them to understand; I have asked them to look for someone who is in peace with himself, just as how I am in peace with myself. This has eased my life, and I'm sure it has worsened theirs.
Self-convincingNow this does wonders I tell you. I have been trying to do this for so long and now it really seems like I have acquired this trump card. And questions helped a great deal.
I don't have a goal, neither am I waiting to know my purpose. It's only evident to me, that I am trying to make my life lighter and simpler. Sometimes to understand and achieve this, I have to convince the brain. Now convincing the mind might revert things back, because the mind is not as controlled by logic as the brain. It's difficult for the things to revert back with the brain. And over time, it has only got simpler to convince the brain with reason and logic.
For instance, today I saw him play with her cheek, in the car in front of me, in traffic, I also saw her hugging him on the bike, into his jacket's hand pockets. Now these are very normal things you see everyday in a city like Bengaluru. And there would be no reason for a very normal woman like me to not want something like that for myself.
Questions- Why would I not want that? Why do I not have that?
And answers- For me to have that I need to fall in love with someone. And life is only getting too comfortable without anybody else. To find someone who is light and comfortable with themselves does not seem very possible either, given the fact that I do not even socialize and make friends anymore.
Now this is a dead end which makes the brain to not want it.
A Lighter Life
Life gets lighter when there's little or no baggage weighing you down. When there's nothing to complain about and nothing to hold you back. When you fall asleep and wake up peacefully everyday. You do things you want to, whenever you want to. And when factors like time, money or ego aren't really baggages anymore.
Sometimes people come into your life to teach you things, sometimes you see and learn, sometimes you experience and learn from it. And people are so cool, fun, weird and crazy in their own ways. Some of them are exceptional at something already and a few keep exploring themselves to find out what they're really good at. Some are perfectionists and some really kick ass in every move.
Me on the other hand, nothing so cool about me. I have no great taste in music, know no art and no interests in sports or politics. Not exceptional at anything. I can design fairly well and I enjoy seeing myself improve at it. And all I can do is smile wide at the mirror, dance to the same old tunes in the shower and sleep like a panda. I can also roam aimlessly, kill time, eat masala dosas, idlies, cheesecakes and live without them too. And I have come to terms with this. It's perfectly alright to not be cool. And it's perfect to feel very good about it.
Frankly, it is also one of the reasons why I write. Because the thoughts are poured down in this language, where a collection of words, from my mind, here on my blog, convey some kind of a meaning to another person. It's a brilliant feeling to be able to write down what you feel and even more brilliant to have compared it to another feeling that can be experienced.
Not so brilliant to abruptly conclude though. But yes, to embrace your questions and to channel them right to get meaningful convincing-s seem like a good takeaway to end the v1.0 with.
Happy life y'all.
, by Indhuja Pillai