Saturday, May 28, 2016

Metamorphosis, Brain experiments & Life updates

Masinagudi & Dad- 

The recent trip to Masinagudi with parents was a good two days for us to laugh and fight and understand each other. The time of silence during the drive, a few moments when I catch him talking about mom or posing to the camera with her, I see things.

Dad has changed a lot since the past 4 years, mom has too, but not as much as dad. He is happy about the change that happened to me. He sees me happy, he knows I'm happy. He has seen me through the metamorphosis.

He knows when I'm busy, when I'm pissed, when I'm happy. He doesn't ruin my mood nor does he let anyone do that to me, including mom. He knows that I might not be very attached to family, and enjoys the time we spend together. He knows how I handle things and how I keep my peace, and he  is so goddamn proud about it.

After getting back to work on Monday they kept calling me, I called after 2 days and asked dad why they kept on calling me? Dad asked back jokingly "Who else do we have?" Dad only has mom and me, not in great touch with the relatives and grandma and grandpa are no more. And this hit me very hard the moment he said it. He's strong, but not very strong when it comes to me. We cry like kids at this song.

Convincing the brain

I experienced my brain convincing me, twice. If the brain is convinced about the truth, it makes the mind understand.

So here's what happened: My eyes weren't getting used to the cylindrical lenses I had got. The lenses and the spectacles did not feel like they were of the same power and it was disturbing me since a week. I went back and complained to the guy in the optical shop. He tried to convince me but I was did not agree. I wanted to try reading the letters and finding out for myself. And I found out, my brain was convinced, that the power was the same. My brain convinced my mind and my eyes and I am now used to switching between the lenses and the glasses.

For me it's important and powerful to convince the brain. I used to convince my mind, but the mind usually reverts back. Working with the brain is proving fruitful.

My brain has probably found peace in forgetting things; now it tends to forget things a lot faster. And I'm letting it work it's way. It knows its ways to calm me down and keep me pumped. It helps me decide what I want for myself and allows me to blank out. It helps me to change a lot faster and understands why that change is required. It also has its days of struggle and rest.

Labels and people

A girl wishes to be no one.

Well, almost no one. No labels attached.

My twitter bio used to say that I'm a "Tomboy | Atheist | Catalyst  | Blogger | UI/UX Design" and I am just done deactivating my twitter account. It's not about being bound by the terms but I am done with the labels for good.

May be I DON'T want to dig deeper into the labels but within myself. 

I usually might come across as a rebel with my clothes, tattoo and hair. But I wish I could look at myself eating idly so peacefully. I like writing but I'm not a writer or a blogger. I don't believe in anything/anyone, but I respect your faith.

Last week a redbus seat neighbor started a conversation asking how I look very happy. I wake up to a butterfly, and kiss myself goodnight, of course I'm happy.

I don't need a smoke or alcohol when I'm happy or sad. Neither are they a passion to continue, nor are they a necessity of life. Drinking to forget problems, and smoking to overcome stress / mental blocks, are undoubtedly the most satisfying answers ever. But I've promised my brain that I'd never let the alcohol or the smoke get to it. Good food and/or a movie snaps me out of a bad mood and ice creams, desserts and mango work as incentives.

The soul isn't liberated but it understands the order in chaos and trusts in karma nature. It understands why the guy crossed the road impatiently, and why the girl in the billing counter sounded pissed. It waited for the old guy to order his food, and has always wished a good life for everyone.

It knows that it's difficult to understand people, and that everybody is as complicated and weird as everybody else.

I'd rather spend time understanding myself and letting others be.

More next time.